Everyone Says I Love You
by You-drive-me-nuts-miller
Summary: That moment when you realise - damn, you're in love. (Early season three companion piece). *Now added Jess's thoughts*
1. Nick

_Nick_

You know, at some point in their lives, everyone says I love you. Everyone.

Where does it get them, really? You see, I think it's just a slippery path to misery and all the crap that arrives when that person finally comes around and rejects you. And trust me – they do. And, damn, it hurts.

What is the big deal? I mean, it's three words for Christ's sake! What does it even mean? What is love? Sure – you can care about someone. Yes, you can want to be with them and all that crazy stuff, but really – can you explain it? Nope.

You know people lie, huh? Yeah. They say this crap all the time to get some girl in bed or get some schmuck to forgive them when they do something stupid. 'I love you': the panacea and band aid to all situations. Apparently

Well, I for one think that's a load of crap. Yes sir – who needs to say a few words to prove something? When you care about someone and are committed – why do you need to make all these grand declarations? You see in my experience, all this over the top romantic crap leads to one thing and one thing only – deep misery of the worst kind. The worst.

You see – me and Jess – we don't _need t_hat. We have this _thing_.

I'm not sure how I should really explain it but she knows I care about her and want to be with her. I've told her a million times that she is important to me. The L word? Well that's pretty superfluous when you are as hot as we are, ya know…

Okay, I'll admit she is amazing; I've never met someone so damn likeable. Even when she is annoying I can't get mad. The woman talks way too much. Sometimes my ears hurt from all the chatter but I can't make her stop. I just can't. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit of a soft touch but it's _Jess. _She really can't help it.

Even on those days where she plays all those records she buys from flea markets – she says they are vintage but I say they are 25c for a reason – I can't say no to her. She opens those big blue eyes and gives me this puppy dog look and, damn. Okay. Yeah – I can't say anything.

Every other woman I have been with has come with this in built stop point. I'd learn it quick. The level at which I could not take them anymore – their girlyness, their shit in my space, their talking about… the future.

I guess that's what's different about her. Never once has she talked about the future. Not once. It's weird but liberating. For the first time I can feel my body relaxing as time goes on not tensing up in anticipation of 'the talk'. Really I think we will never have that talk. It's not us.

So, okay, you're gonna ask – where is this going. Good question. The answer? Um I don't know.

I can't imagine her not in my life. I mean - life without Jess? I'm so used to her being here. Life hasn't been the same since I met her. Where would I be now if she hadn't moved into the loft? I can't even imagine. Maybe I would be back with Caroline…

I know, I know, that's crazy. But I've always had this inability to look ahead. Seeing more than a few months into the future is impossible. I blame my dad. My childhood was spent on tenterhooks waiting for him to come home from his 'business' trips; it killed my ability to look ahead. Day by day. Week by week. That's the way Miller's live.

_Hmmm. _What will I do when she wakes up and realises I'm no good? Seriously. I mean, she will. It's inevitable.

Huh. Yeah – one day soon she will turn around and says, "Miller, it's been fun but now I need to get serious." She could never get serious about me could she? I'm a loser bartender. The guy you are with until you meet the guy you should really spend your life with.

I feel cold when I think about that moment. I know it's inevitable but that doesn't make it easier. My blood chills when I imagine her saying those words. How long have I got? Months? Weeks?

I feel flat at the thought – as though all the air has been pressed from my lungs like the atmosphere has thickened instantly. I don't want her to leave me, okay? I want things to stay as they are. I want her soft perfume on my skin all day. Her curls tickling my chest as she sleeps. To wake up to her soft breathing on a morning and watch her as the sun rises.

Damn. You're a fool Miller. I know it's not going to happen. No. This experience is time limited.

The tightening in my chest increases. My jaw clenches and my brow furrows.

Huh. I close my eyes and suck in deep breaths, stilling my thoughts._ Chill Nick. _I wish she was here – now. But she isn't.

I need to feel her soft skin under my hands. I want to feel her arms wrapped around me; her head nuzzled into his chest.

Shit.

I can't imagine life without her. How the hell did that happen so quick?

So does that mean…

Damn.

_I love her._

I'm screwed.


	2. Jess

_Jess_

Is it weird if I admit I like to watch him sleep? I mean I'm an early riser and he, well, is not – so I get lots of opportunities. Most mornings I wake up before the sun rises. Next to me I hear his soft breathing and I smile; I'm still getting used to this but waking up beside the man you care about every morning is something special, huh?

In those moments when he is still sleeping it's like I can see the real Nick: unguarded and open. You know when we are together - as much as he has been able to open up to me - I still feel he is holding something back. Maybe I'm paranoid but this is Nick Miller we are talking about here! But when he's asleep, he relaxes: I like seeing the little expressions that cross over his face – what is he dreaming about? Me, us? My mind wanders.

I also just like to look at him. He's so cute when he sleeps. His hair gets all fluffy and messy – so adorable you know? I watch him and I smile more. I really can't believe that this is happening, what we have. To have what we have? Damn, I feel lucky.

Things have never been awkward between us you know? Ever since we decided to make a go of things we just kinda fell into this happy routine. We never had to talk about it. I think it's because we were friends first. Living with someone you get to know them – warts and all. We each already know the others embarrassing secrets and stupid habits so we skipped the whole being polite stage and fell straight into comfortable bliss.

Bliss? Wow, that word seems, um, big. I can't think of another way of describing it, this state I've been in since we laid down our cards after Cece's wedding. I've never had a relationship like this before. We haven't had to try. Things have just… clicked. It really has been the happiest couple of months of my life. He makes me so damn happy. It's crazy I know. I just want to spend every moment I can with him. Even when he drives me mad with his Nickisms it just makes me want him more.

Since Mexico we've spent every night together, alternating rooms. There wasn't any discussion about it, we just _did_. That's true for so much of our relationship – as different as we are we're still on the same page. I guess it's a big deal right – that we just started dating and sleep in the same bed every night. But I love it, it feels right, not weird. I love the feel of his arms around me as I drift off and our little pillow talk first thing in the morning.

We are different. I'm not a fool you know. It's like I'm the a and he's the z but somehow we bridge the gap. It amazed me how he has got so far through adult life without any form of planning or vision. That damn box of his…

I can see small changes –he does his own laundry every week now, he's started a bank account and he's even talked a little but about his future. He's been vague but I think he is starting to realise at some point you need to grow up and start making adult decisions.

Okay, deep breath Jess. You are not here to change him. You accept him for who he is.

But you know – I just want the best for him. That man has so much untapped potential. Nick's spent so long thinking he was a loser, but he's not. He's amazing.

Like the way he is always there for his friends, for me. He's so terrible at looking after himself. But he tries so hard for others. He's talented too – so what is he's a bar tender! Why is that a bad thing? He's damn good at his job. I know that Clyde's would grind to a halt if he stopped working there. He tries to pretend he is ashamed of his job but I know he tries hard. I wish he'd accept a compliment thought – when I tell him this he shrugs it off with a little half smile.

He's also there for his family. Going to Chicago was such an eye opener for me. I say this man in a whole new light. It was like some of the puzzle pieces of this grumpy mystery started to click together and I started to get it – get _him_. Getting forced to grow up too young changes people. I get that he's scared. I do. And I think the fact that he has made it this far as an adult with all those challenges is amazing.

Yep this amazing man is my boyfriend. The guy I wake up with every morning. The one who makes me smile, whose touch makes me shiver, who makes me laugh each and every day. Whose kisses can still my tears, make my stomach flip and drive me wild all at once.

Thinking about this makes me feel emotional. It's pretty overwhelming. I never expected it. I mean, I've always been pretty practical about relationships. Of course I want it all – marriage, kids, the whole package. But I haven't gone into this relationship with that thought. For the first time I haven't really thought about the future. I'm just enjoying every moment as it comes, going with the flow. It's liberating. I think it's Nick's influence if I'm honest. I don't feel the need to talk about the future. I'm enjoying the now.

Wow. I can feel a cool trickle of something run down my spine. What is that? All this thinking about Nick is making me feel strange.

Wait. I know what this is, how the hell I not realised before now.

I love him. I freakin' love Nick Miller.

Oh my God. It's too soon. He'll be scared. He'll run. I can't tell him. Hell no. I've got to keep this to myself.

I feel another smile creep over my lips, bigger and wider until it becomes a stupid cheesy grin. I feel like an idiot.

I love him. Wow.

But I'm not going to tell him. Not yet at least…


End file.
